“A late night host walks into a convention …” The best jokes about the Republican convention so far

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Stephen Colbert went to Cleveland last weekend to tape an opening for Monday night’s “Late Show” on CBS. Colbert is doing the show live each night at 11:35 p.m. during this week’s Republican National Convention and next week’s Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia. (AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster)

Stephen Colbert’s going live every night on CBS’s “Late Show” (including, on Monday, to a decidedly fake looking cabin where he “located” bearded hermit Jon Stewart). Trevor Noah went to a high school in Cleveland to tape Tuesday night’s edition of “The Daily Show” on Comedy Central. And Samantha Bee was so eager to hit the road for the Republican National Convention that she took a bus there last week and conducted interviews along for the way for a special edition of “Full Frontal” that will air at 10:30 p.m. Wednesday on TBS (she did her regular show on Monday night, too).

Whether they’re traveling to the convention site or staying put in New York (“The Tonight Show” with Jimmy Fallon) or California (“JImmy Kimmel Live”) all of the late night comedy hosts have one thing in common: They’re taking aim at the political goings-on like never before (and never again, until next week when they all repeat the process during the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia).

If you don’t have the time or stomach to watch the round-the-clock “serious” coverage provided by cable and broadcast news and social media, you don’t have to miss any of the high or low points of the day’s actions. The late night host’s monologues and commentaries have it covered.

The first two nights leaned heavily for laughs on Melania Trump’s alleged plagiarizing of a Michelle Obama speech; the themed nights, especially the doom-and-gloom for America focus of Night One, and the C-list lineup of former actors and others who’ve made speeches.

   Here are some of the best lines:

“We’re live during the Trump Convention. Because I want to be able to announce live the moment America becomes great again!
Colbert, Monday

“It’s not so much a platform as it is the Republican party’s suicide note. (Party leaders created it by) locking a bunch of cranky church elders in a room, turning off the air-conditioning, and asking them who should go to Hell.”
Bee on the Republican Party’s official platform, Monday

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Trevor Noah is hosting “The Daily Show” from Cleveland this week. On Wednesday and Thursday nights, it will air live at 11 p.m. on Comedy Central so Noah and his team can comment immediately on what just happened at the Republican National Convention.  (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP, File)

“We thought this convention would be chaotic and we were not disappointed. On Monday, hundreds of delegates tried to stop Trump’s nomination and the party bosses said, ‘Sorry, wrong trimester.’”
Noah, Tuesday

“The big story coming out of last night wasn’t Scott Baio or Benghazi or about five different people calling Hillary a murderer. It was the big Michelle Obama speech, brought to you by Melania Trump. (Mrs. Trump) said, ‘I wrote it with as little help as possible.’ Yeah, with a little help from Michelle Obama!”
Larry Wilmore, “The Nightly Show” on Comedy Central, Tuesday

“Before we start, I want to say if any of these jokes sound old, it’s because Michelle Obama used them in 2008.”
Fallon, Tuesday

“Of course the biggest star of the convention last night was Melania Trump. She gave the speech of Michelle Obama’s life.”
Kimmel, Tuesday

“Yes, we are the ‘Champions of the World.’ And we are going to restore American values by entering to the music of a bisexual Englishman.”
Colbert on Donald Trump’s surprise arrival on the convention stage Monday night against a backdrop of smoke and a recording of Queen’s Freddie Mercury singing “We are the Champions”

“Forget, ‘Make America Great Again.’ After the speeches, all I wanted to do was make my underpants dry again.”
Noah, Tuesday

“I love that they included Antonio Sabato Jr. (as a speaker). I can only assume Lorenzo Lamas wasn’t available.  Antonio will be standing outside the convention center later in case anyone wants to trade pins.”
Kimmel, Tuesday

“The convention goes on all week, and I saw there are actually themes each night. The themes are, denial, anger, bargaining and depression.”
Fallon, Tuesday

“‘Make America Work Again.’ That was the theme tonight. A lot of speakers spoke on that theme tonight. Donald Trump Jr. and Tiffany Trump both provided examples of how hard working Americans just need to roll up their sleeves and be born into a billionaire’s family. It’s that simple, OK? Pull yourself up by your dad’s bootstraps.”
Colbert, Tuesday

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